Look at poor Harry. So tortured. That’s because we gave him a hard decision to make, and now we’re going to force a similar decision upon our readers. Out of each of the following trios, whom would you snog, whom would you marry, and who would end up as your BFF? We’ll tell you ours if you tell us yours. Well, actually we’ll tell you ours anyway.
Isn’t it good to know we care about the real issues here at Keysmash? Okay, go!
Snog Spike, Marry Angel, BFF Oz. Spike is hot. And with that accent, how can you say no?? I would definitely want to make out with him so long as he keeps the leather trenchcoat on. Angel, I mean, C’MON. He’s Angel. Good, bad, I’m taking it, and putting a ring on it. Same goes for you David Boreanaz. What. BFF Oz because one, he’s about 8 inches shorter than me, but two, as awesome as he is, I don’t think I could ever replace Willow for him. But he would probably get me into some awesome concerts.
Snog Giles, Marry Giles, BFF Giles. Er, I mean, Snog Oz, Marry Angel, BFF Spike. I feel like however I did this I would choose wrong, but here’s my reasoning. Snog Oz, because snogging a werewolf is on my bucket list and I’ve always had a little crush on Seth Green. Plus, it’s OZ. Marry Angel because, well, I love Angel. He’s beautiful and so, so deliciously tortured, and so long as he has a soul, he totally means well. BFF Spike, because Spike and I are really destined to be BFFs. His snark alone is enough for me to want to hang out with him forever, and his stories about Dracula will keep me entertained.
Snog Angel, Marry Spike, BFF Oz. Spike all the way. Spike, Spike, Spike. I love Spike. I think he might be my favorite character on that show. I had a hard time choosing between Angel and Oz for the BFF role, but if I take into account ONLY BTVS Angel then he’s definitely the one I want to be the shortest term. If we’re counting Angel: the Series then my choice might change. But whatevs, he’d make a good snogee and I think Oz and I would get along so super well as besties.
Snog Angel, Marry Spike, BFF Oz. Ugh this was so hard. Okay, I’m pretending like it’s evil!Angel I’m snogging because RAWR. God he was so hot. I used to record every episode (on VHS because THAT IS HOW OLD WE ARE) and then watch it over and over until the next episode and…yeah. Obsessive much? Anyway, snogging Angel. Yes. I’m marrying Spike because he’s Spike and I love Spike so much. I actually named my cat Spike and if cats can be soulmates, he was mine. But Oz has always been my favorite and I would want him as my best friend forever and always. I think he’d keep me centered. And not only would we get along really well, but he’s a motherfucking werewolf and we ALL know how I feel about werewolves. Coincidentally (or maybe not coincidentally at all) I also had a hedgehog named Oz. And currently have a cat named Riley. I like BtVS a LOT, okay?
Snog Paige, Marry Phoebe, BFF Piper. I have only seen a handful of Charmed episodes, even though I was obsessed with witches back in the day (blame The Craft). So I, like most of the ladies below, am doing this based on looks. BFF Piper because Holly-Marie Combs seems pretty sensible and would be a good friend. Marry Phoebe because she would make for great arm candy. What? I’m vain…sometimes. Plus, who hasn’t loved her since Who’s The Boss? Snog Paige because she seems like she knows her way around some kissing techniques and would keep it interesting. I mean, she was with Marilyn Manson after all.
Snog Piper, Marry Paige, BFF Phoebe. So, I didn’t make it all the way through Charmed. I didn’t last much longer than Shannen Doherty did. That said, I would totally marry Paige because, well, it’s Rose McGowen, and because Paige had all the best powers. I’m kind of obsessed with the idea of telekinesis, tbh. As much as I’d LOVE to snog Alyssa Milano, I’m going to need Phoebe as my BFF because she has premonition and I need someone to keep me out of trouble. That leaves me to snog Piper, which I’m totally okay with because you really can’t go wrong with snogging any of these women.
Snog Paige, Marry Phoebe, BFF Piper. Confession: I really didn’t like this show at all. My good friend in high school LOVED IT and I just couldn’t get into it at all. So I don’t much about the characters and am basing these choices partially on looks and partially on the little I know about the actresses themselves. So snog Paige because she looks like she knows what she’s doing but I probably wouldn’t be able to handle her long term. BFF Piper because she always seemed like the sensible one and I need sensible pals. And marry Phoebe because Alyssa Milano is a hottie okay and she loves baseball so I’m going to pretend Phoebe does too and that’s one of my major requirements in a life partner: love of baseball.
Snog Paige, Marry Piper, BFF Phoebe. Okay, I’ve never seen an episode of this show either. Although I think it actually used to come on either before or after Buffy so I’ve seen maybe a total of 10 minutes of it in bits and pieces. I made my choices based purely on looks. So there you have it. *shrugs* Are they all magic? I dig magic. Maybe one of them could actually magic me a Hoechlin since Harry Potter hasn’t come through with that yet.
Snog Morgana, Marry Morgause, BFF Mordred. Hi, fail over here. I only saw Season 1 of Merlin and then sorta forgot about it, oops! So, we’re doing this on looks and from what I forced Heidi to tell me. I’m going to Snog Morgana because the actress is hot, and the people I know who’ve met her say she’s super nice, unlike her character. I’m going to Marry Morgause because according to Heidi, of these three, she’s the least offensive so it sounds like a great bet to me. That leaves Mordred as the BFF because he sorta looks like a naked turtle to me and though Heidi says the actor is adorable, he’s still a turtle without a shell and based on what he does to *SPOILER ALERT* Arthur, we can’t have him around in a romantic capacity.
Snog Morgana, Marry Mordred, BFF Morgause. This was shockingly easy for me. I really, really hate Morgana. Her character SUCKS. But I think Katie McGrath is just about as gorgeous as it gets, so I would definitely go for a snog. BFF Morgause because she’s kind of awesome and idealistic and is the smartest one out of all three choices. Plus, she’d call me “sister” in that sexy accent. What. I would definitely marry Mordred. I know, I know, but work with me here. The reason why Mordred flipped his shit at the end was over a chick, right? Well, replace me with that chick. I’ll swear to love and cherish and blah blah blah him for all the days of my life, and then he’ll be happy! And happy people don’t kill their Arthurs. They just don’t. Q.E.D.
Snog Mordred, Marry Morgause, BFF Morgana. That was tough. They’re all hot and they’re all crazy and they all make me a little uncomfortable. In the end I went with marrying Morgause because she seemed the most … logical? About her craziness? Morgana went totally batshit there so I’m keeping her close to my side. Enemies closer and all that. And snog Mordred because he’s the only one left. Although I would probably wash my mouth out after because [SPOILER ALERT] HE KILLED ARTHUR DAMMIT. *sobs*
Snog Mordred, Marry Morgana, BFF Morgause. I really don’t want anything to do with Mordred considering he killed my goldenperfectprince Arthur. I’ll never get over it but I’m also not above making him fall in love with me (as a result of my awesome kissing skillz) and then ripping his heart out of his chest much like Arthur’s dying scene did to me. I really liked Morgana and I think that once she got all the batshit tragic fuckery out of her system she’d be pretty cool to spend the rest of my life with. And best friends with Morgause purely because I want her to whisper “sissssstah” any time she needs to talk to me.
*whistles the Jeopardy theme* OKAY PENCILS DOWN. What are your choices?