OT5 KEYSMASH

 

OT5 KEYSMASH is where we come for our regular dose of flail. We’ve each chosen one thing that has made us asdf;lkj recently. Do these things make you smash your keys?

Nobody, and I mean nobody can just snatch the wigs off their own bandmates on a group harmony. DO YOU HEAR THOSE NOTES? DO YOU HEAR THEM? Please. I need a NAP. Who do I look like invested in a band for the next 8 months of tour? Call life alert. Call the cavalry. I wasn’t ready.

Dear God, what did I just listen to? Zayn just fucking killed it. I knew he could sing but that was unreal. Damn.

 

I’m going to need Zayn to cover all the Prince songs, like, yesterday, because HOW DARE HE HIDE THAT FALSETTO FROM ME. HOW DARE HE. I’m actually personally affronted by this.

BRIE. TELL ME HE DOESN’T NEED A MARIAH HAND NOW. TELL ME HE DOESN’T. I CAN’T PUT MINE DOWN LISTENING TO THIS.

 

I had to lay down flat on my back on the kitchen linoleum after I heard this. True story. I am so over everything to do with this group of misfits.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ASS ASS ASS. I mean. *clears throat* Meet Jonathan Toews, Captain of the Chicago Blackhawks, owner of one gigantic ass. GUH. Do I need to say anything? I knew he had a nice ass, but until I saw all of these, I didn’t realize just how fucking big it was. I am still in awe of it. You win, Winterpeg, you win.

Oh. Oh, I see. I mean I say goddamn. Immediately, the first thing I thought of was Juvenile’s song, Back That Ass Up….I mean….wow.

 

I just want to say that I am a sports enthusiast who truly enjoys athleticism, skill, dedication, willpower, the thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat. That said, some athletes are just smokin’ hot. I mean, dayum. Oh, hey! I have a gif for this:

*has total and complete mental breakdown* I … YUP.

 

Good lord. I honestly thought that was Louis’ bum before I really looked at the pictures. That’s saying a LOT. Yeah, wow. What a bum. I give it 2 more weeks before I totally cave and become the world’s biggest #1 hockey super fan.

I am not a wedding person. At all. I’m basically Ron Swanson when it comes to sentiment. But Ben and Leslie’s wedding on “Parks and Rec” was enough to melt my cold, dead heart into a puddle of goo. The wedding was spur of the moment. Ron forged the wedding rings. Ann made Leslie’s dress out of important documents from her career. But it was when Ron agreed to walk Leslie down the aisle that I lost it. And then their vows, “I love you and I like you.” Yeah. I’ll be over here sobbing if you need me.

I just watched this a week later while I ate a pint of Ben & Jerry’s (don’t judge me) and cried into the carton. I don’t really tear up at weddings but goddammit this one ruined me. This fit Ben and Leslie SO WELL from the last minute planning, to her dress, to Ron’s EVERYTHING. No one disappointed in this episode and I cried like I am their friends. And yes, Heidi, the vows….PERFECT.

I’ve never seen this show, but this made me go AWWW out loud. It is so hard to do a wedding well in sitcoms it seems and make it stay genuine and real, but this looks that way and Heidi’s comments makes me want to just watch the scene and bask in all the feels.

I have never watched this show (I KNOW I KNOW IT’S ON MY LIST OKAY) but I love both of those people and just seeing the picture and reading Heidi’s comments made me cry. Then again, I am a wedding person, so that may have something to do with it. BUT DOCUMENTS FROM HER CAREER????? *weeps*

OMG this show NEVER fails to impress me. It was so, so lovely. How could you not want that in your life? And this coming from the crazy cat lady hermit who doesn’t even like to talk to the employees at the Taco Bell drive-thru. I WANT A BEN ALL UP IN MY SHIT 24/7. Or a Leslie. OR BOTH.

Okay, I was going to do this picture because it is OBSCENE. Looking like a rock star with that guitar and your nipple hanging out? Niall. Please. But then when I was doing a Google image search for the nip slip picture I found this one and I promptly fell off of my couch and flailed around so hard I bruised my wrist on the leg of the coffee table.

Niall James Horan, it is FEBRUARY (well it was when this picture was taken) and you are in a tank top that is not even close to covering up anything. I need a 90 pages full thesis on why you’re doing this to us now. It’s not even summer. What are you going to do when you’re playing an outdoor venue in July in America? Get naked? Ok. (I’m not even dealing with Harry Edward Styles right now).

I am so fucking tired of NIALL HORAN. It is the middle of Winter still but he’s in arenas in a fucking tank top. What the hell is he going to wear during the summer? If he feels comfortable in that on stage, is he just a nudist along with Harry? THIS ISN’T OKAY. NOT. ONE. BIT. *drowns in gatorade*

 WHAT IS GOING ON?!? Is he affixing double-sided tape to keep Niall from flashing everyone again??? Remember on the UAN tour when they were crammed into suits? Look at them now! I don’t even want to talk about Harry’s hipster t-shirts, because you KNOW he wears them to show off the chest tatts. This tour is going to kill me. And I’m not even going to a show.

I am sobbing. This stupid tour already has me in a STATE. I’ve been late to work every day this week because it’s taking me longer to get through my tumblr dash in the mornings. Why is there always so much nipple action with these kids?! I mean, I know Harry has 4 of them and that’s cool but I am old and my heart can’t handle it.

I WILL SHOW YOU HUNGER YOU EVIL TROLLS. Every time I’m like, “I’m not gonna keysmash over Teen Wolf today. I have other interests, man. Yeah.” And then…fucking Teen Wolf. There are still THREE MONTHS until the season premiere.

“But don’t expect to see the same intense and broody Derek we all know and love today as Nelson plays Derek at 15 years old, when he was a  popular and charming star athlete; this is Derek before disaster struck his family, turning him into a lone werewolf always in search of a new pack.”

Chew on this: Wasn’t Derek ~15 years old when he met Kate and then she burned his family alive?

We get a happy Derek. A Derek before he was broken and sad and angry. I….I’m not ready. Jeff Davis is a troll among trolls. Oh hey yeah here’s your brooding Derek that you’ve come to love and deal with but oh hiiiii take what he COULD HAVE BEEN and suck on that.

It is hard enough to imagine a younger happy (I cry) Derek Hale, surrounded by family, but then you see this young Derek and just.. how he is even still alive? After his entire family and then Laura and Peter. HOW? Fuck you, Writers, I know you’re going to have me bawling like a baby.

Derek Hale: popular and charming star athlete. POPULAR AND CHARMING STAR ATHLETE. POPULAR. AND. CHARMING. STAR. ATHLETE. It’s official. Teen Wolf has broken me. Go away. Don’t look at me. *whispers* I’ll be in your new pack, Derek.

THE TEARS STREAM DOWN MY FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE. I literally cannot even handle this. AS IF Derek Hale wasn’t a sad enough character to start with they have to show us what he’s had snatched from him? THANKS JEFF DAVIS. GIFT MY ASS YOU ARE MORE LIKE AN ENVELOPE FULL OF FEELS ANTHRAX.

I honestly cannot believe it has been a month. For years I always thought, “I WANT A BLOG” and then another day, month, year goes by and nothing ever happened. But, luckily due to one twitter conversation, a ton of emails, and a lot of keysmashing later, keysmashblog exists. I’m so proud of not only myself, but of the other 4 ladies that make up our OT5. Love you lots and lots! And thank you to everyone who has read, commented, reblogged, tweeted and supported us in our first month! *throws confetti*

I cannot believe it has been a month of Keysmashblog being live, but I also can’t imagine not having it in my life now. I am so proud to be a part of this and honored that I get to do it with these wonderful women. ALL THE FEELS, LADIES, ALL THE FEELS. I’m still in awe of the support we’ve had too, so thank you all very much for that.

This means that Harry Styles is one month closer to being 20. This pleases me. For reasons. *ahem* I was always one of those kids in school who HATED doing group work, because I always ended up doing all the work (confession: I’m kind of a control freak). But working with the other 4 of the Keysmash OT5 has honestly taught me that collaboration can work, and work well, especially with people who understand you and support you and pander to your insanity.

OH GOD I AM GOING TO CRY. I can’t believe we’ve been up and running for an entire month! It feels like we just started talking about this thing yesterday. I am constantly amazed by our OT5 and how well we work together. I am so proud to be a part of this, and so grateful I get to work with four fabulous, witty, clever, kind, generous, talented ladies. OKAY NOW I AM CRYING. Can we have a toast or something, I need a drink. I LOVE YOU ALL OKAY.

I can’t even put into words how awesome this experience has been. Every day I have something to look forward to and I feel like I’m actually doing something productive for once in my life. 😉 And to have the support of four of the coolest, most wonderful chicks in the world…perfection. This has been such a blast and I can’t wait to see what goes down in March. *cough* see what goes down *cough* Derek *cough*
Share your flail below! Are you all asdf;lkj over the same things we are? Or do you have more things to share to make the OT5 asd;lfkj? WHO WANTS MORE FEELS????? WE DO WE DO!!!!!