Five Things: Holiday Songs We Would Wipe From Existence

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Every Friday we’ll pick a theme and then five things (hence the name! We’re so original!!!!!) that fit that theme. Feel free to make your own choices in the comments, or send them to us on Twitter. This week we’re talking about the songs that get overplayed on the radio and in stores and basically EVERYWHERE during this particular season. BURN THEM WITH FIRE.

Liz’s pick: The Little Drummer Boy

new-key-avi-liz-50x50Insanity wolf is me, I am insanity wolf. Seriously, fuuuuuck this song. It’s so long! Why do we need this much pa-rum-pa-pum-pum? SPOILER ALERT: WE DON’T. We don’t need any pa-rum-pa-pum-pum! Also, I have a bad history with drummers, so this song can suck it.

Last Christmas (via)

new-key-avi-meg-50x50I hate this song. It doesn’t even sound like Christmas music. Get off my lawn.


All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth

new-key-avi-meg-50x50When I was in 2nd grade I had to wear my pajamas to school for a Christmas pageant where I had to stand up on stage with the rest of my class (also in pajamas) and sing this song. I’m 35 years old and still remember how awful it was.


Baby it’s cold outside

new-key-avi-mel-50x50I want this song gone because I’m tired of the fight that comes of it every year. I get why people hate it now and I get why it had to be written that way in the first place. Mostly it’s not that great of a song and I’m tired of the fighting about it. Bye bye.

The Christmas Shoes

new-key-avi-mel-50x50This song makes me angry. The premise is stupid when you really think about it and makes no sense. What parent would want shoes over spending what time you have left with your kid? “Timmy I love you but I need these shoes to die in peace. Be a lad and buy me some. Thanks.” It’s only purpose is to make you cry.  If I want listen to a song like that I’ll listen to Stay Alive (Reprise) and It’s Quiet Uptown thank you very much. And the more I think about it the more this song seems like a kid pulling a con to get a free pair of shoes.

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  • leckadams

    Any song sang by the Carpenters. They are talented, but they depress me